DISCLAIMER!!!! This episode may trigger victims of past abuse, if there is a chance that you may be triggered, I advise that you turn this episode off and come back to it when you’ve had more time to heal. If you are a victim of domestic violence thehotline.org has 24/7 resources for DV support call 1(800)799-SAFE or text the word “SAFE” to 88788.
Manipulation
Your feelings are manipulated easily because you’ll do anything to gain that love you’ve always craved for as a child that you eventually go looking for as an adult, but unfortunately in the wrong places. If you had a traumatic upbringing then 9 times out of 10, you’ll attract narcissistic intimate relationships, especially if you’re an empath like me, because you were brought up to put other people’s needs before yours. An article on goodtherapy.org gives examples of manipulative behavior looks like, such as: feeling depressed, developing anxiety, developing unhealthy coping skills, constantly try to please the manipulative person just to live in peace, you lie about your feelings, you’re always putting other’s needs before your own, and you develop trust issues. Manipulation in intimate relationships can take many forms, including exaggeration, guilt, gift-giving or selectively showing affection, secret-keeping, and passive aggression.
Verbal abuse
Manipulation can be a form of verbal abuse in which the narcissists say something hurt, hitting you with low blows that you would never hit them with. When my mom or ex-husband would get upset with me for not abiding by their manipulation, they would often criticize my parenting, throw up what they think “my weaknesses” are, or anything hurtful that they know would get under my skin.
Withholding
Withholding is a huge one. If you don’t do what they want, or if you call them out on some bullshit, they’ll withhold love, money, and information they know you’ll need just to sit back and watch you fail. I found an article on psychcentral.com that lists the 5 Withholding Tactics Malignant Narcissists and Psychopaths Use to Torment You:
- Withholding affection.
- Withholding healthy interest, praise, or genuine compliments when warranted
- Withholding validation and discussion (stonewalling).
- Withholding the truth (especially by omission) to string you along.
- Withholding resources
Slander (Goodtherapy.com)
It took FOREVER to finally leave the person in your life with narcissism, only to realize that once you made that fateful decision, your name became mud. Your ex is not going to let you go without a fight. You’re going to be villainized like you never experienced before the breakup.
All your friends and family will hear how crazy, unbalanced, manipulative, and narcissistic you are. Your ex will be sure to strike first; you may not want to strike at all, but your hand may seem forced.
The smear campaign of a person with narcissism can be so convincing. Since, throughout the relationship, you mainly kept your mouth shut about the problems you were having, no one really saw this coming. When your ex starts to talk negatively about you, with feelings of hurt and strong conviction, others may be inclined to believe what they hear.
Links:
Narcissistic Mother: A Survival Guide for Daughters: Recognize Borderline Personality Disorder. Recover from Childhood Emotional Neglect, Overcome Narcissistic Abuse and Heal Your Inner Child: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07YNH3XYJ/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_C9TM6Q7WCD55E139QMS9
Withholding:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2020/02/5-withholding-tactics-malignant-narcissists-and-psychopaths-use-to-torment-you#1
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